Some Words About Prop 8

Ciao, Tutti!

So, I don't know if you've heard about it, but we're all on the brink of Armageddon.

It's true.

I read about it in the New York Times. Our values, our way of life, our influence in the world, freedom or religion, and everything that we held sacred are, unbeknown to you, currently threatened.

But there is one easy way for all of you to keep the apocalypse from coming. Folks, we can avoid it. And here's how: Vote yes of prop 8 in California.

That's right. The biggest threat to everyone and everything in the United States and the world is the fact that people can marry other people of the same sex in California. And they must be stopped or else everything we've worked so hard to build in this nation's history will crumble. It's even "more important the presidential election", and I quote: "We've picked bad presidents before, and we've survived as a nation... But we will not survive if we lose the institution of marriage."

So, there you have it. Without prop 8 we will all die. End of story.

Okay, by now you have to realize I'm being completely sarcastic. If you're not, welcome new readers! And I swear if any news source quotes my sarcastic ramblings out of context I promise to bring Armageddon straight to its door.

Even though I was being ridiculously sarcastic in the passage above, other people have said the same things without being sarcastic. I really don't understand how. But here's the link to the New York Times (New York Times! The ultra-liberal news source!) that has the quotes referenced above. Buon'appetite, it's pretty depressing.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/27/us/27right.html?_r=1&ref=us&oref=slogin

I am sick of scare tactics. Did you also know Obama's a socialist radical Muslim who's best friends with terrorists? See, that kind of thing is getting on my nerves.

I had the same problem voting on some of the California propositions. Yes, I voted absentee, and I'm proud of it, though I want my "I voted" sticker to prove it. Anyway, I would read the arguments for and against the different props and some would feature language that was meant to be played out of bassy speakers on Halloween. If you vote yes on prop 5 convicted drug dealers will be set free and rape your children. If we don't fund more police officers gang violence will kill everyone in your family.

Yada yada yada. No offense.

Listen up, everyone. These are not arguments. I formally announce that arguments and political discussion are things of the past. These are, to use a cliche, scare tactics. Scare you into voting one way or the other, either by massive distortion of the facts or by amplifying an unfounded possibility.

I don't mean to disregard people's fears. Actually, that's not entirely true, now that I think of it. I'm pleading to you all not to vote by fear ALONE.

This is pretty funny coming from me, who just the other day told everyone to vote Obama because even if you don't like him you sure as hell don't want Sarah Palin anywhere closer to the White House than Alaska. That's a scare tactic, I guess. I bow in humble apology.

The point is that fear should not dictate our actions by itself. Yes, I admit, I am a hope person. But I am also scared shitless, as I have said in previous blogs. The way people argue, the way they perceive arguments, and the way people make arguments all scare me. Scare tactics scare me! It's too easy to just tell a bunch of people that if you vote no on the bill of victim's rights then you're a baby killer. No. That's unfair. But, hey, it wins votes.

So vote yes on proposition 8 or the apocalypse will be your fault.

More short fiction to come, probably sometime after the apocalypse, I mean election.

-Sam goldsmith

P.S. How hard would it be to change the initiative process in California? It needs to happen. It's just too darn easy to get a proposition on the ballot these days. I've only voted a couple of times and I've already seen repeat measures. My favorite (again, new readers, sarcasm here) one is the prop that makes it mandatory for minors to attain parental consent before having an abortion. Yeah, I've already voted no twice and I've only voted in two elections. And no matter how many times it gets voted down, I'm sure I'll keep seeing it on ballots for years to come. Sigh, some things never change.

P.P.S. Holla if you're excited that Ted Stevens got convicted. That's one Alaskan politician down, at least one more to go...