Sam Goldsmith

A blog about music, travel, writing, photography, politics, Istanbul, teaching, life, and everything in between

Friday, August 27, 2010

Inception

Merhaba!

If you haven't seen Inception yet, you might not want to read this short post. It doesn't give much away, but still. You might be one of those people, like me.



The premise of Inception, besides taking place within dreams, is finding if it's possible to plant an idea in someone's mind that feels so natural to him that he thinks it's his own idea. Basically, to give birth to an idea in someone else's mind. There are a few scenes where chacters are quite adamant that it's impossible, that it can't be done, but Leonardo Di Caprio's character is sure he can do it. The rest of the movie is a dramatic, nail-biting saga into the mind where this concept of Inception is played out.

After thinking about my job as a teacher for the last few weeks, it seems that plot is pretty much based on the lives of teachers. Its our role to lead our students to discover truths on their own, truths they can believe in with their hearts and souls even if their not truths they came to without guidance. We can't just teach them that 2 + 2 = 4; we have to convince them until they can claim that knowledge as their own. We can't just say that the English word "sad" is the opposite of "happy"; we have to help them feel it, using their own personal experience, as a personal truth. The best teaching, we've learned, is when the teacher doesn't teach at all, when instead the students learn. In another word, inception.

So the teacher helps create contexts based on a combination of the students' worlds and the teacher's (Ellen Paige's character can go home now). We have to play different roles and different characters to bring language to life in students' minds (see you later, Tom Hardy's character). And the teacher has to perform inception every day, usually alone, on 6 whole classrooms of students. And, by the way, hell yeah the teacher has a time limit (mine will be 40 minutes, slightly shorter than Leonardo DiCaprio's team's 10 hours).

Not to knock Inception, though. It really was a fun movie.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Welcome (back) to Turkey




Merhaba!

Two weeks ago I arrived back in Istanbul, ready and eager to start a year of having my own classroom, getting kids excited about the nature of foreign language, and immersing myself in another culture for an obscene and refreshing amount of time. Let me do some explaining:

I am a native English communications skills (= speaking and listening) teacher at Bahçeşehir Koleji in Istanbul and will be for at least this year. Bahçeşehir is located in a suburb of Istanbul, so far from the city center that many Istanbulus don't consider it to actually be a part of the city. Istanbul has grown something like %1,200 in the last 60 years to about 13 million people, so I have the feeling a lot of Istanbul isn't "really" in Istanbul. It takes me an hour to get to Taksim, which is more or less in the city center, and if I can't catch the express train... then don't ask. I will be teaching grades 5, 6, and 7, roughly the age group I worked with in Florence two and a half years ago.



Over the summer I had to deal with a bout of depression: I had earned my TESOL (Teaching English as a Second or Other Language) certificate and thought that after I sent my resume out to a few places I'd get a nice cushy job and a beautiful apartment in Kadiköy. Well, by the time July rolled around and I didn't have anything yet I was starting to panic. I felt that I would have to move back to New York, find some dumb pass-the-time job while I take the GRE's and apply for grad school. I'd even found a roommate when
Bahçeşehir asked for an interview, then asked me to come out in less than a month. What a shift in gears! But it's hard to explain how desperate college graduates like myself can feel when confronted with this - ahem - wonderful job market as we still try to find out who we are. When I went to New York for the month of July, I found most of my friends were just as stressed out trying to find a way to gain financial independence as well as discovering what to do with the rest of their lives.


Playing with my camera in a Taksim park. Check it out: This city has more people than New York by about 5 million, but there's still green!

Truthfully, I still don't know how to answer that question. I know I don't want to be a musician anymore, but I'm not sure if teaching will be in my forever future. I love teaching and I love working with kids, but I don't know how to choose something to stick with all my life. Is it like choosing a girl, like in the fairy tales where you just know? Is it like choosing your friends, the people who happen to impact your life where you happen to be at some happenstance in your life? Is it like how you choose where to be, based on past experiences, work opportunities, or out of love? I hope that, through the course of this year, I'll be able to find some direction in my life. Living in Florence added new perspective and pointed me forward. Learning a new language and a new culture will hopefully help me see something I wouldn't be able to otherwise.


Bahçeşehir. Not exactly representative of the scenery, but I like this picture a lot.

Bahçeşehir itself is just what it sounds like: a suburb. There's one main street which takes two minutes to walk through, a couple of malls that sell little more than women's clothing and shoes, an express bus stop, and brick-laid hilly streets where the drivers routinely ignore one-way signs. I haven't had the chance to familiarize myself with Bahçeşehir and the surrounding regions (I've been too busy even to write! Such a contrast to last time I was here when I wrote hundreds of pages in a week), but that will come soon as I slowly but surely teach myself how to survive and communicate. I have to say, though, this quieter area is such a breath of fresh air after four years of Manhattan. Being far away from Taksim and my friends from Bahçeşehir University near the Bosporus is going to be a drag sometimes, but I know I'm going to like living outside the main city. I've been craving it for my entire University career! Plus Bahçeşehir is on a hill and gets some nice views of the countryside.


There's a big vote coming. That means this van drives around blasting all sorts of crappy and loud music.

Since I've been here I've done a few major things, though less than you'd expect from two weeks here:

1. Namely, I've been taking the
Bahçeşehir Koleji-required teacher training course (CELTA, which stands for something I'm sure) for the past week. It's a 10-day course with a break on Sunday (yes, we work Saturdays) which is like a more specific version of the TESOL course I took in California, more specific to teaching English at this school. There are about 70 other first-year English teachers taking the course with me from Bahçeşehir Koleji campuses around the country. Some people came 15 or 16 hours for this course. About eight of the other teacher trainees are native English speakers, all American except one Turkish woman who lived a long time in England (that counts as native speaking). The rest are Turkish teachers who teach English, most likely teaching English language skills (= reading, writing, and grammar). Needless to say, I've been making lots of friends during this week of training, though sadly many of them work at campuses far away from Istanbul. Still, the Turkish hospitality, as they call it, is striking and deathly warm. In contrast, the Americans might have the misfortune of being too cold. I've heard that the biggest complaint about native teachers is that they're too cold: you're supposed to hug your students, put your hand on their backs, show you care about them through physical contact in ways that would have gotten me fired at El Cerrito or in Florence. The people I've met are so generous, even if they can't understand what I'm saying.


A Tatlı shop in Taksim. I get too hungry when I look at this picture.

Our main CELTA instructor, Gulfem, the woman who interviewed me, is a gifted woman. Proud of her shortness, plumpness ("Do I look like I like salad?!" she said once), and experience (let's not call it age), she has more love, energy, and passion than most of the young first-year teachers she's instructing. I can't say enough about this woman to show you how wonderful she is, and I'm not just saying this because she's my boss. She not only gets us on our feet for activities, she makes us want to get on our feet. When she tells stories she makes us taste in our minds the food she's describing, feel the weight of what she's pretending to carry, smell the atmosphere she's imagining for us. She's funny: when she was reading a favorite passage of hers called "God made the teacher," she said, "And God gave the teacher infinite patience and a caring, huge..." and as the class said in unison, "heart," she moved her hand to her rear end. But it's not just personality: there's something about the
Bahçeşehir message she promotes that I can really get behind. Moving away from old, traditional teaching styles and engaging the students on all sorts of sensory levels. Finding out how the students in my particular classroom learn best and teaching to that. Complete immersion in language and student-led language discovery, the teacher acting as a guide and not a transmitter of information. Education is about the needs of each student; it's so simple!

Again, I know it might sound like I'm saying this just because I work here, and there are some faults I'm sure - I'm not working in utopia. But this teaching style is something I can really believe in.

And we will never be able to make a teaching utopia anyway. One of the greatest tragedies of education is that our students deserve better than a teacher can humanly give them, and as teachers we are always disappointed at how far from perfect we can be for them. All we can do is our best.

2. I visited my friends Pınar and Hande, staying with them at their flat in Ortaköy, home of the world's best Kumpir! The day before I had met with the two of them and my Turkish brother Can in Taksim to buy a guitar and have the best lemonade in the world. For all you tourists out there: I have one rule about good places to get a food or have a drink. If you have to go downstairs it can't be bad. To get to the Limonbahçe (Lemon Garden) you have to go into what looks like a normal apartment building, go down some dirty-looking stairs that look like they lead to the basement of your mind, and follow a few chic signs to the outside. There you find a huge area, as big as a large restaurant, covered by friendly canvass, with couches and nice table and everything. It's almost like Soho, New York. Very peaceful, very hidden away, and it feels like we've found a secret. Plus the lemonade was the best lemonade I've ever had in my life. That's always a plus. Minty and delicious!


Hande, Pınar, and me in Taksim

The next day Hande and Pınar and I headed to Ortaköy for the Kumpir, which is like a baked potato with whatever you want inside, but somehow it tastes way better than a normal potato. We then had a drink at a café nearby with one of Hande's high school friends, Burak, and watched the sun go down as we sat next to the majestic Bosporus. After that we spent a long night learning traditional Turkish dance in 100-degree weather (yes, even at night it was that hot - how in the world do people fast for Ramadan in this weather?) and shared music, and I learned that Turkish iced tea actually has flavor! And, as always when I spend time with my Turkish friends, I learned some useful Turkish, like bebeşim (hint: that's not actually a useful word).


Me and Pınar eating Kumpir

There's not enough time in a day to write how at home I felt and yet how exciting it was to be in this foreign culture.



3. On Sunday I finally got to see Hazal's house and meet her family. Our mutual friend who was also part of the NYU group that came to Istanbul last March, Suzanne, is visiting this week and Hazal's family picked her up at the airport and is letting her stay with them for her week. Hazal lives in Malteppe, which is about as far away from
Bahçeşehir as one can be, so when she and her father picked up Suzanne they took the opportunity to pick me up as well and take us to Malteppe. After an hour of driving and catching up and laughing about the peculiarities of life and language ("Hande taught you 'bebeşim?!'"), we arrived as her mother was preparing what turned out to be an amazing dinner. Hazal was the intermediary, the only one who could speak English well enough to communicate between we Americans and the rest of her family. They told us to feel at home, and a few times told me to stop saying "Thank you" so much. We were a part of the family before we even walked through the door. We played basketball into the night, then came back to watch Turkey beat up on Canada in a basketball tournament as we ate sweets and fruit, experimenting with my camera, Turkish words, and the mobility of their recently injured cat Susam. It was like we'd been family friends for ages, and the fact that we didn't speak the same language barely mattered at all.


Basketball at night



Of course this is gross simplification of all that happened in the past 15 days. You can tell by how rosy my description is; in reality, the first few days I was here were almost crushing as I tried to get by in a shared dormitory (ie. not my own place) with a city of non-English speakers, jet lag, no way to contact friends, nothing on my itinerary, feeling bad for staying inside all day and feeling uncomfortable when I went out. But who wants to hear about that anyway? I'm going to be a teacher here. This is going to be my community, and my presence is going to make it a better place. Those little insecurities are just that: little.

P.S. I'm trying to think of a new name for this blog. Any ideas?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Guitar Video

Ciao, Tutti!

Check out this great video my friend Greg made for me! He's teaching himself hand-held video recording and editing techniques for his job, and I'm one of his first test subjects. It came out pretty good I have to say. I look like a real, honest to goodness musician! Weird, huh?



You'll have to forgive my not having posted in a while. I've been going through some emotional anxiety, and while that hasn't stopped me from posting in the past it certainly was now. But I'll try to do better to my few readers and post some new writing, and perhaps one of those music reviews I promised all those eons ago. Or, who knows? Maybe I'll have news about ESL jobs in Turkey (I have my first interview on Monday - wish me luck!). Or maybe I can brag about winning the Bellevue Literary Review's annual contest (I doubt it, but who knows?). Or maybe I'll post some cool stuff about the wonderful stuff Owl Eyes is up to for the time I'm here in New York City.

But one thing's for sure: if I go this long without posting again, you all have permission to yell at me and call me names, then paint me while I sleep. Huzzah!

-Sam goldsmith

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Novel Excerpt - Prologue of Outside the Crystal

Note: These are the first pages of the first book.

Before the Nembath Incident, when Raychel still could walk around in broad daylight, she and Braden used to sneak out of school from time to time and explore the nearby forest. Together they discovered a pond as wide as their school building, a place they thought belonged only to them until they found a can clumsily wedged in the mud, sloppy shoe tread surrounding the spot. Even so, they never saw another person at the pond, so it was theirs. They named it Frog Pond, after the nice-sized green creatures that lived there. They loved to show off the power of their legs; Raychel and Braden had never managed to catch one.

A small mound near the south bank overlooked Frog Pond. It wasn’t much of a mound, but it was just high enough to see the snowy tips of the twin peaks, Pilorite and Silorite, if Raychel stood on the tips of her toes and the sky was clear. The only place she could see all of Frog pond was on top of that mound, all except a small gulf that protruded eastward, ducking out of sight behind the everglades. The mound was Raychel’s favorite place around Frog Pond. Being able to see everything, from the extremities of the water to the tops of the mountains, Raychel felt more confident in herself than she ever could in the classroom, drilled with Geography.

“No, Port Youl is here,” her teacher had said to her earlier, pointing to the map. “Close to the Northern Islands.”

Raychel muttered, “Whatever.” The teacher heard it.

“Port Youl is a beautiful city, Raychel,” he said. “Don’t you want to visit sometime? You’ll have to know where it is first.”

Raychel despised her teacher’s voice. He pronounced her name as if it were missing the Y, a two-syllable word like the Oriathian name. “I don’t ever want to leave Brodaw,” she said with conviction.

“Now you’re just being stubborn. Not even to Nembath, the magnificent Lightning City?” He spread his arms and salesman smile wide.

“Lightning City,” said Raychel flatly. “That sounds safe.”

Note in her hand, she was sent to visit the school counselor, again. She threw the note away and slipped away to the forest. Braden found her on the top of the hill, meditating with her legs crossed. “I told the teacher I had to go to the bathroom,” he said.

Braden’s favorite place around Frog Pond was not the mound but in the everglades, on the bank. He said he liked the mud and the feeling that he couldn’t be seen. Raychel always felt like resisting when he wanted to crouch down in the frigid murk. They would dirty their clothes and return home wet and shivering, their shoes making nauseating squishing noises, to parents who would surely guess where they had been instead of class. He didn’t think about that, it seemed, as much as she did. He felt more in touch with nature when he waded knee-deep along the pond’s swampy bank. There was no resisting Braden, and as much as she preferred the mound she preferred him more.

Braden undid the strings on his dirt and grass stained bag. “I brought something from home,” he said, shuffling his hand around inside. “Dad let me borrow to help catch a frog.” His fingers scraped against the canvass sides until he found what he was looking for and eagerly withdrew it. His fist was wrapped around a small cable, a miniature fan dangling at the end. Opening his fist and bending over, he showed her a small, wooden, banana-shaped object with a rectangular hole carved into the center, inside of which was a tangle of mesh. Raychel leaned over with curiosity, and her scalp nearly brushed against his.

“What is it?” asked Raychel.

“It’s a boat,” said Braden. “The fan moves it forward, and I control it with the remote control. Here, hold this.” Before Raychel could say anything she was holding the boat and the sound of Braden’s hand clawing against the canvas resumed. Raychel lifted a fragment of the mesh with her index finger, cautiously contemplating its shape.

“Is this a net?” she said.

“Yep,” said Braden. “Got it!” He extracted a compact black box that looked like a child’s building block but with a small joystick planted in the middle. “It’s pretty simple,” he said, flipping a switch with an assured click. The fan struggled against Raychel’s steadying hand, and she politely dropped it as if startled by bumping into a person’s shoulder on the street. Braden caught it with his free hand. “Be careful, Raychel!” he exclaimed not giving the impression that he was upset or worried that the machine would break, not for a minute. He pronounced her name like it was supposed to be pronounced.

“What does your dad use it for?” said Raychel. “Catching frogs?”

“Hm,” Braden considered. “I’m not sure, actually. I know there’s a camera on the bottom, so he can take remote pictures in dangerous waters, from a safe distance. I’m not sure what the net’s for, though. I’m not really into that Hero Team thing, you know.”

In the middle of Frog Pond, closest to the east side near the mountains, there was a small island where the frogs liked to spend their time. The only other times Raychel and Braden had tried to capture a frog was when it ventured to the far shore, an irregular occurrence. Braden promised that when the mountain winds died down and the air warmed up again, they would swim together to the island, where they would surely be able to catch a frog. Raychel hated swimming, but she nodded anyway.

Braden and Raychel crouched together in the everglades, watching the island in the middle of Frog Pond, their backs to the mound. Braden held the boat steady in his hand, pinching the motor’s blades to keep it still but ready. Raychel’s butt was getting moist in the mud. She could feel the water spreading through the fabric of her school clothes. She tried not to think about how her parents would react, not because of their reluctance to send them through the wash again but because she would have to admit she skipped class. She felt the dirty water bleeding through her underwear, cold and itchy, and she had to bite her tongue not to squirm. She glanced at Braden. His blue eyes were locked on the island, his eyebrows down in deep concentration, making blubbery lines in his young forehead.

“Isn’t there a better way to catch a frog?” Raychel whispered. “Isn’t using the net kind of cruel?”

“We’re catching it either way,” said Braden just as softly, not changing his expression. There were still no frogs, as if they knew the two kids were up to something.

Eventually Raychel’s clothes reached their peak of saturation, or she had stopped noticing its spread. The water was cold and her feet were numb. She and Braden had spent many days together here on the banks of the pond before, but never before had they waited in one place for so long. Usually they walked the circumference of the pond, taking large steps that lifted their knees to their chests, eyes darting about at the slightest peripheral movement. Now it felt that they were preparing for an ambush. Raychel couldn’t help but feel the fear of the unseen frog that was to be Braden’s first victim. While Raychel’s interest in frog-catching stemmed from a mild excitement about having a pet – there was a jar with holes punched in the lid in her bag – Raychel knew Braden wanted something different. He wanted to beat the frog in a physical and mental competition, to test his own ability to plan ahead and outsmart another living, thinking creature. He was more like his father than he was willing to admit.

Suddenly Braden leaned forward anxiously, pursing his lips tightly together, and released the boat’s motor to purr noiselessly underwater. Raychel looked out towards the island, following Braden’s eyes. There, on the end of the island, squatted a fat frog, facing the opposite direction, its skin glistening in the sun almost like plastic. It looked like a plastic windup toy until it took a deep breath and Raychel heard it croak. It was the perfect target for Braden: facing away, lethargically motionless in a patch of reviving sun, slowed by obesity. The frog didn’t stand a chance, Raychel knew as the boat inched closer along the surface of the water, the mesh inside poised to launch. Soon the net would wrap around the creature and it would flop around, kicking wildly with its uselessly muscular legs, hurling itself without direction in a blind, desperate panic.

Raychel knew she had to warn the frog. Surreptitiously reaching her hand out, watching Braden’s eyes to make sure he didn’t notice, she felt her fingertips glide invisibly through the barrier of air between her and a pebble on the faraway island’s edge. She felt the tips of her fingers achieve distance, and she knew that if she were to wave she would have seen stony fingers oscillating twenty meters away. But the shape of her fingers had become gray, rounded, and small. She felt the cold, steady will of the stone in the tips of her fingers, and with it the instinctual tingle to freeze in her place and remain stoically still, forever. But the urge was small and easy to resist. She moved her hand to the side, watching the distant pebbly fingertip hover above the pond’s surface with the rest of her hand. She took another quick glance at Braden; he was too concentrated on the frog to notice the floating stone. Raychel released the pebble from her influence, feeling the relief of warm blood pulsing through her digits, and dropping it into the water. It made no sound Raychel could hear, but it was enough for the frog to dive into the pond with alarm.

“Ah!” cried Braden with frustration. “We were so close!”

“Close is good,” said Raychel sarcastically. “Braden, I’m cold. Let’s go back to the mound.”

Braden began to reel the boat back in, his eyes still fixed on the spot where the frog had been, disappointed longing replacing the frenzied concentration of moments before. “Fine,” he said.

On the way back to the mound Raychel couldn’t help but shiver, and Braden wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He wasn’t cold at all. He was so warm.

It was this practice of sneaking away from school that, by a stroke of dumb luck, saved Raychel’s life.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

New Song - Extraordinary Passion Inaction

Ciao, Tutti!

Great news! For the past week I've been working on a new piece of music to share with you all, be it programming drums, writing lyrics, laying guitar tracks, singing, or mixing. Of all the self-recorded pieces, this is by far the best in terms of recording quality, so I urge you all to go listen to "Extraordinary Passion Inaction," the first song you'll see at the First Regrets official MySpace. Hope you enjoy!

-Sam goldsmith